Hope

       Ever wonder why some things happen and some don’t? Sometimes we have a bad day and other times we have days that we might even consider to be the best of our lives. Why is it that we meet some people and not others? Are we meant to meet them or is all just by random chance?

      I’ve been thinking about the last couple of events in my life, some have been great and some not so great. One in particular stood out, I met a wonderful person about a month or so ago. One of those people you don’t think exist and when you find one you’re amazed. Perhaps its because our mentality is set to a closed environment that we don’t always go outside to look for new things.

      There’s hope. Hope for all of us. It’s something that we shouldn’t lose. Its something we should hold on to and embrace with all our might. Sometimes we forget we have it and we begin to lose sight of what could be. It’s a beautiful feeling when you see it again, to see that there is hope for the future. I’m not sure if its destiny or randomness, maybe a mixture of both that takes us to different places in life. Its in these places that we find people or we find words that open our eyes to see things we hadn’t before. It’s the amazing journey of life.

      Whatever you might desire, whatever it may be don’t forget that there is always hope. Don’t lose it.

Smile, there’s hope.

I Forgot My Name Tag

     Dad came home last week, and things were really awkward. I hadn’t seen him in many years when he came home I went to give him a warm welcome. I’ll be honest, I was expecting a hug and the whole “I missed you” deal. All I got was a, “Hi, nice to meet you.” and was pretty much ignored. He hugged my siblings and chatted and laughed with them, I felt really out of place. As I was standing there waiting to see if this was some sort of joke I realized that it wasn’t and walked away. Did he not know who I was? Oh wait, I forgot my name tag.

      Although I did not want to admit to my family, it was hurtful. What was I supposed to do? Wave my hands around and jump around to be noticed? Did I really need a name tag for my own father to hug me? I went back to working on a project. About an hour later I was finally noticed and was apologized to. So I said “that’s OK.” it really was, I mean I was practically ignored for years a little incident shouldn’t be such a big deal. But to me it was, as much as I dislike to admit.

      Looking on the bright side I realized that things didn’t have to be so bad. I have changed over the years for the better. Things are better now too, and although the idea of having him back home is still a bit weird it’s not so bad as it was the first day. I think we’re all getting used to the idea that we’re a family again, and that’s something beautiful.

Smile, look on the bright side.

Don’t Worry

     I haven’t written anything in sometime, I’ll be honest with you I’ve had the time, the topics the pen and paper in front of me but for one or more reasons I pushed it aside. I’ve had a lot on my mind too, way too much to the point where I can’t sleep from all the thoughts in my head. The thing that has been bothering me the most is the possible return of my dad.

      Yes, this is a bit of a personal post. My father left us a little over ten years ago and before that my mother had left him. My mother raised my siblings and I mostly on her own, dad was away for work most of the time when he was with us anyway and my mom had to deal with everything. When he left ten or so years ago he left during one of the worst times of my life, my mother was just recovering and my family was in a bit of a mess. It has taken me ten years to comprehend why he left that night and why many things happen, I don’t blame him we’re human.

      It was however during those ten years that I didn’t understand anything, my hormones were starting to kick in and I was entering the “teen-age” phase. You’d think that no father around would probably lead me to turn into another reckless teenager, instead it turned me into the adult I am today. I spent many days crying alone hoping he would come back but he didn’t. I always had the hope that perhaps he’d return to see me graduate from high school but he didn’t show up. No calls on birthdays only broken promises.

      I got to the point where I was sent to a psychologist who determined I had trust issues and relationship issues attributed to my father leaving me. Maybe that’s when I started to dislike Psychology… anyhow I admit I have issues, but who doesn’t? I didn’t need a psychologist to learn to deal with my issues on my own. What has kept me up at night is wondering what life will be when (if) he comes back.

      He isn’t the jerk I may write him to be here, rarely did he yell at me, he spoiled me and taught me valuable lessons that I haven’t forgotten. However I’ve changed, I haven’t seen him in years. I’m not sure how I’ll react when he comes in through the front door. Many times I wish he could have been here to help me out, advice me but he never was. I learned to deal with my problems alone and not be dependent on being told what was or wasn’t wrong.

      I know I shouldn’t count my chickens before they’ve hatched. We’re human and we all make mistakes. Maybe I should stop worrying, it’s never too late to meet again.

Smile, don’t worry too much.

Vicious Cycles

     There’s a behavior that has always eluded me, people putting each other down.  I’m not sure I understand why people keep doing this time after time. We do it to Susie, Susie does it to Sammy and Sammy does it to someone else. My question is WHY? Sometimes we do it without meaning to, we say the wrong thing at the wrong time but sometimes we know what we’re doing and we do it anyway. For those of us that have a conscience we feel guilty  yet we do it again sooner or later. It’s a vicious cycle.

     I talked to a friend of mine about this issue and we concluded that there are three types of cyles that fall under this type of behavior: (maybe there’s more?)

People: Cycle One
     People put us down,  whether its your friend, your family, your boss, the stranger you met at the grocery store people try to put us down all the time. Is this a case of envy? Bad day? Bad luck? Or just plain meaness, I’m not sure. I’m sure we’ve all come across someone who tries to put us down just when we’re feeling that rush of happiness, “But it won’t work” or “ I’ve seen better” etc.  Sometimes you don’t even have to be happy for other people to put you down. There are times that I wonder if people are really so evil as to just want to see others down? I think that is just sickening and the worst part is that I’ve seen close people to me do this to others. Tough world we live in huh?

Self: Cycle Two
     WE put ourselves down. That’s right we do it to ourselves too. I’ll raise my hand on this one because there have been a few times when I treated myself like the lowest creature on earth (do understand that I went through some rough times). Sometimes we tell ourselves that we’re so bad, so horrible, the worst of our kind. The problem comes when you actually start to believe what you’re saying. I think that’s the worst fail of all believing these things. The reason is because they’re probably not true and you’re only making things harder on yourself. And again this is a cycle because every once in a while we keep doing it.

Mix: Cycle Three
    Sometimes you get both cycles at once. Someone puts you down and you follow them along. Before you know it you and others are putting yourself down! I can tell you that this is not a good thing.

    How should I deal with this? Well what I’ve come to learn is:
1. Don’t let other people put you down (keeps you away from Cycle One)
    – Sure everyone has their own opinions but let it just be that, an OPINION.
    – Think on the bright side they may actually be wanting to be in your spot.
 2. Be as optimistic as you can (keeps you away from Cycles One, Two and Three)
    – Stop and smell the roses, relax there will be better times.
   
And as I always say: SMILE. Not only does it get you in a better mood, but you might get someone else in a happy mood with just one smile (might keep you away from those vicious cycles too).

Smile, there are many reasons to smile!

  P.S.
  Got anything more to add?