Seems like nightmares are slowly creeping back into my life. This last one was by far one of the most disturbing ones I’ve had in a while, I woke up with my heart beating so fast, I woke up wondering. The thing about most of my dreams, especially nightmares is that they always seem so real. This morning I was dreaming that I was murdered, how disturbing is that? I remember in my dream closing my eyes and thinking “This is it…” it was like an epiphany within a dream, I smiled and I waited. I smiled because I felt like my time had come, I felt like I had lived a fulfilled life up to that point, I was happy with what I had done. Then I felt (yeah that’s how realistic my dreams are) the bullet piecing my skin, the warmth of the blood pouring out, I opened my eyes. I could feel the life dripping out of me, I applied pressure to my neck, I wanted to scream for help but I knew, I knew it was too late. All I thought of was to write a message on a piece of paper I saw on my desk, I wrote “tell S. I love him” and I began to cry. I cried not because I knew I was dying but because I knew I wasn’t going to see him again. I could feel my hands grow weaker because I couldn’t apply pressure to my neck anymore, I could see my blood forming a little puddle on the floor while tears kept pouring out of my eyes. My brother rushed in my room, I assume because he heard the shot, I smiled in between tears, it was more of a goodbye because after that I fell in my own blood and everything went dark.
Sounds very dramatic doesn’t it? It felt disturbingly real. I stayed in bed a while later thinking about what had happened. I feel happy with what I’ve done so far with my life. I mean, I have so many goals and dreams but if my nightmare was to come true, yeah I would feel at peace in that aspect. What I couldn’t deal with is knowing I wouldn’t see my love again, or say goodbye to him one last time and I started to cry. I miss him. You know what it felt like? Like I was somehow in my own twisted version of Vanilla Sky (which is why I’m also sharing Sigur Ros) and my nightmare was gone when I opened my eyes.
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November 29, 2011 at 2:37 PM
Nora L Pratt
Dear Sweet Casper,
I wanted to write because I too have had such a dream. What I discovered was that this is not a dream of death in the physical sense, but more in the Metaphysical. You see, there is a death happening; your youth. You are growing into your adulthood and entering the next phase of your life. I know this because I had the same dream. In mine, it was a dagger that was driven though my head, right between the eyes.
Without boring you with all the details, I can tell you that I remember having an uncontrollable and real sense of terror just prior and then, once the blade entered, everything went to black and I thought “Oh, this isn’t so bad.”
In hind sight, I now know that that was the start of some wonderful changes (career, love, marriage).
You are right, it is frightening to not know how things are going to turn out. But it sounds like you have all the makings of a wonderful life filled with love no matter where you are.
Follow your heart Dear One; be true to you and Love will always be within.
NP