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Recently mom and I had a conversation about life, and we evaluated the things that have happened in our lives that led us to be where we are today. She told me the story of how I came to be in this world. She had told me bits here and there but never had we sat down and discussed it all from the very beginning. After having my sister my mom became pregnant with twins, by the time she found out she was pregnant one of the fetuses had died and the other one’s health was doing poorly. My mom opted for an abortion because it was putting their lives in danger, this upset her greatly and became depressed for a while after. She decided to get “fixed” to not have kids anymore and life was fine and dandy for a few years until I popped up in the picture.
Image by Chiceaux Lynch
When she started to have weird symptoms she thought she was sick, she even craved raw meat (ironically I dislike red meat) and when she went to the doctor, voila! I guess I’ve been stubborn since before I was born because I held on to dear life in an ectopic pregnancy. The doctors suggested an abortion because at that time (yeah I’m old) they figured I had no chance in making it to the second trimester and it would only endanger my mom. She told me how she remembered the twins, and seeing as how I had been stubborn enough to get past her “fix” to not have babies she refused the abortion. As she put it “You held on, I decided to do the same for you”. My mom says I was the worst pregnancy she ever had, she stayed in bed most of her pregnancy (I was a preemie) and when she wasn’t she was in the hospital.
Dad wasn’t there during pregnancy, nor was he there when I was born. When I was born she was relieved that we had both made it despite the odds. She told me that I should continue to use my stubbornness to defy the odds and that she was happy I stuck through college. You have no idea how much that meant to me, its not everyday that you get words like that from my mom. It got me thinking, do I have a purpose in life? She could’ve easily refused to stick with me during her pregnancy. I could’ve been another statistic, but I too held on. The odds were against me. I don’t know if I have a purpose but I do know that you are what you limit yourself to be.
Smile, don’t let the odds limit who you can be.
I don’t believe that we are destined for something, that our lives have been planned out way before we were even created. I like to believe that we all have free will, but every now and then something happens that makes me question my beliefs or lack there of on fate. Is it possible that we were destined to be with someone? Took me nearly a decade to go on a date with my childhood friend. After all those years being friends I’m still learning so much about this incredible man. Coincidentally we were born a few hours apart, moved to the same city where we first met within a few weeks, and went through heartaches at the same time. We complained about the crazy things that had placed us in all these situations and places until we realized that if these never happened, we probably wouldn’t have met.
I still remember a few years back he asked me for a kiss, but I said no because in my rule book kissing a friend was a no-no. Looking back I can’t believe I didn’t appreciate the gesture of him asking me for a kiss, that was a very gentleman-like thing to do. While I still feel bad for turning him down those few years ago, I feel like it was meant to happen. Weird, yes. Back then my heart was elsewhere, my head was in a state of confusion and I was aching over ghosts of the past. I had to practically go through my own hell to learn to value and appreciate the important things in life again.
Sometimes I feel like those years in between prepared me for a lot of things. I don’t know if it was destiny that crossed our paths so many times at very important points in our lives. I still remember him telling me, “Take a risk with me” but my stubbornness and rules got in the way despite of how I felt. It wasn’t until I realized that in life we must take risks and then it reminded me of that quote from ‘When Harry Met Sally’, “…because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” Destiny or not, I am a very lucky woman who loves and is loved by a truly wonderful man.
Smile, because life is filled with beautiful surprises.
It all started with going to drop off the letters to my sweetie at the mail drop off box. It then started to hit me, that I should start doing it more often. See, I love going on walks, a lot. I enjoy that peaceful time, the scenery the whole thing I just love it. I had stopped for a couple of weeks because of a lot of things that were going on then I decided to come back, and come back the right way. I didn’t want to mention much at the beginning because I wanted to make sure it was something I was going to stick to. This year has been not only a life changing year for me but a year where I decided to have more self discipline.
I must note that all of this has been in large part been because of inspiration from my sweetie (yeah he’s an inspiring man!). Knowing that he is doing something big and heroic really inspired me to at least try doing something for myself. My walks have gotten longer, I’m slowly incorporating jogging, my workouts have gotten more regular and more well established. I’m even thinking in taking part of a local 5k event (I even know what I want my little badge to say, a dedication to my sweetie) and that is what I am currently aiming for. I asked some members of my family to join me, but lets face it I can’t wait around for others if I must do something I must go out and do it on my own, although everyone else is welcomed to join in. I realized that having self motivation is a big part in making things happen and that’s what I’ll be sticking to. I gotta make things happen.
Smile, make things happen in your life.
I had a math professor who would only give us the most challenging problems in each section for our homework (don’t get me started on the exams…) and everyone complained. We would ask him why, and why couldn’t we get some easy ones in there? He would always say “If you can tackle the big monsters you can tackle everything else” that forever resonated with me.
This professor was my favorite math professor ever, he challenged me like no other professor ever did. I spent countless hours trying to figure out the math problems he had assigned, the class had no curve, he had no mercy. Never did he use notes to write notes on the board, never did he hid behind a desk, and from day one he knew each one of us by name. He always had a lot of interesting points and things to say, when I thought about it a lot could also be used outside of the classroom.
“Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors” – African proverb
If you think about it, tackling big monsters in real life give us experience and confidence in ourselves. Sometimes when I have those bad phases of life I think of what he said and I think if I can get through it I can get through many more things ahead. It keeps me going, it keeps me motivated when I am down. Sometimes the bad isn’t so bad as we think, sometimes the bad is what makes us see the good in many places where we couldn’t see. When you have monsters (problems) to tackle just remember that you have a choice to break down, and complain as to why you don’t have it easier or tackle it and add it to your belt of experience.
Smile, don’t get discouraged by those “Big Monsters” of life.
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