The Odds

Recently mom and I had a conversation about life, and we evaluated the things that have happened in our lives that led us to be where we are today. She told me the story of how I came to be in this world. She had told me bits here and there but never had we sat down and discussed it all from the very beginning. After having my sister my mom became pregnant with twins, by the time she found out she was pregnant one of the fetuses had died and the other one’s health was doing poorly. My mom opted for an abortion because it was putting their lives in danger, this upset her greatly and became depressed for a while after. She decided to get “fixed” to not have kids anymore and life was fine and dandy for a few years until I popped up in the picture.

Image by Chiceaux Lynch

When she started to have weird symptoms she thought she was sick, she even craved raw meat (ironically I dislike red meat) and when she went to the doctor, voila! I guess I’ve been stubborn since before I was born because I held on to dear life in an ectopic pregnancy. The doctors suggested an abortion because at that time (yeah I’m old) they figured I had no chance in making it to the second trimester and it would only endanger my mom. She told me how she remembered the twins, and seeing as how I had been stubborn enough to get past her “fix” to not have babies she refused the abortion. As she put it “You held on, I decided to do the same for you”. My mom says I was the worst pregnancy she ever had, she stayed in bed most of her pregnancy (I was a preemie) and when she wasn’t she was in the hospital.

Dad wasn’t there during pregnancy, nor was he there when I was born. When I was born she was relieved that we had both made it despite the odds. She told me that I should continue to use my stubbornness to defy the odds and that she was happy I stuck through college. You have no idea how much that meant to me, its not everyday that you get words like that from my mom. It got me thinking, do I have a purpose in life? She could’ve easily refused to stick with me during her pregnancy. I could’ve been another statistic, but I too held on. The odds were against me. I don’t know if I have a purpose but I do know that you are what you limit yourself to be.

Smile, don’t let the odds limit who you can be.

Back To School On Memory Lane

     School is about to start, the whole hype about kids going to school reminds me of when I was younger. I remember that every year I would look forward for that school shopping experience. I remember going down the isles with my brother and or my sister and they would ask me what materials I would be needing for school. This, this, that… The routine was always the same, and always pleasant.

I loved going school shopping. There was just something so nice about that “starting all over” feeling that I loved so much. Each year was the same, a new beginning, a new start. Seeing my nieces and nephews getting ready to go to school really brings me back to my days when I was their age. A lot has changed from what I’ve seen. Perhaps I’m getting to old, perhaps I’m still stuck in my old ways when things seemed more childish and naïve. Nowadays I see kids more worried about other things like makeup (yeah, I’ve seen first graders worried about makeup), and new gadgets and cellphones. I’m talking about kids here! Maybe I really am stuck in the olden days when a lunch box was so cool to have, when the biggest gadget you owned was a Gigapet or a calculator that you didn’t even need. I miss the old days when backpacks where all about Hello Kitty and Lisa Frank and not about Hanna Montana and all those other characters that are way too out there for me.

I remember how the most we complained about where uniforms, and how much we disliked wearing those collar shirts. Now kids that don’t have to take uniform complain about having brand jeans and designer clothes. I miss the simple days of school, the more childish days where kids were actually kids and enjoyed their childhood. Today all I see is kids so worried about their body and image, and having the new styles and being popular. Today it seems that being a second grader and not having a phone is a big deal breaker. What has happened? Why can’t we be a big more conscious about giving kids a break and let them be kids. Then again times have changed, but I don’t think I’ll ever change in liking the simpler things in life.

Smile, just because times change doesn’t mean you can’t reminisce about your good times. 

The Bittersweet Feeling of Nostalgia

    There’s these tables in the middle of a school. Its a middle school, to me its the best middle school in the world. By those tables are these big and tall trees that give the nicest shade on hot days. Its on those tables that I used to sit down when I was a little kid to talk to my sweetie about books, and the nerdy things we liked.

Back in the day we were just friends, he was a very shy boy, he was new to the school for that year. He was mysterious in a very captivating way. His brown eyes, his black hair, that thoughtful look that he still does when he’s thinking about things. Looking back I was (still am) a very nerdy girl, quite the weirdo if you ask me. I started to talk to him because we found out we had some books in common, and well mostly I just liked to bug him. At one point I had a crush on him but only to find out that all the other girls had a crush on him too. Being his friend is all I wanted, all that really mattered to me, we remained friends for years after that.

He captivated me from day one, always made me think with his questions and observations about life. During lunch we would sit under those big and tall shade giving trees, on those blue tables predicting what was to happen in our favorite book series. Here we are nearly a decade later, with many miles apart and very close at heart.

Whenever I pass by that school and look at those tables, those trees I get this bittersweet feeling of nostalgia. Remembering how it all began all those years ago, seeing how much we’ve done in the in between time, and where we are now. I’m not going to lie, going back always gets me teary eyed (in a happy way) whenever I think of the good times I had under those trees. It never hit me that that shy and mysterious boy I met all those years ago would end up being the man I want to keep growing old with.

Smile, any little moment can be THE moment that changes your life forever. 

Learning From A Dog

     Our dog may not be trained, but he is a great dog an amazing dog. I remember one time during the first times my sweetie and I would go for walks and he walked me home and was about to give me a hug when our dog started barking a bit, and was not happy that my sweetie got too close to me. It was the first time that I ever saw Duke being so protective over me. He always has been but it wasn’t until then that I really began to see it. Of course he got over being very protective of my sweetie getting close to me since he started to see him more but his protectiveness and loyalty is still there.

Whenever I go outside to the back yard he follows me, waits for me. When I go out at night to look up at the stars he sits by me, waits for me and walks me back to my door. Often times he sleeps outside my window, and always patrols the house. That ladies and gentlemen is real loyalty.

Isn’t it amazing? Duke is an amazing dog, he’s not just a pet, he has become a part of the family. What amazes me is his unconditional loyalty to us. I’ll be honest, we don’t play with him everyday and yet he’s still there for us. Sometimes I wonder why can’t we be the same? Why can’t we be so unconditional about our love and loyalty to our own kind? Why must we be so needy of reciprocation, is it because our egos get in the way? Something else?

There have been times when the only one that is ever there to listen to my rants about life is Duke. He just sits there and more than likely doesn’t understand a word that I say, but he’s there. When I cry he knows I’m crying and always wants to lick my face and sometimes cries with me. When I’m happy he gets so hyper and wags his tail. So I get to think, how can we call the human race this amazing and superior race? We kill each other, we bring each other down, we care about the less important things in life and here is a dog, a species that we see below our own acting in a more humane way. Its moments like these that I realize that us as humans we really are not as great as we wish to be, we are just another species in this earth. We really are nothing if we look at the bigger picture of the universe, just a tiny little spec in this vast place of mystery. I don’t know about you but I find it to be beautiful to be a tiny spec in our Universe. We each hold many ideas, many feelings, we have all done many things, and yet we are specs of life I mean how much more amazing can that be?

Smile, sometimes the most loyal of all friends is that furry little critter with four legs and a wagging tail .