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Alright maybe I’m exaggerating a bit here, it hasn’t been a hundred days, but sometimes that’s exactly what it feels like. Solitude. What an interesting word meaning “the state or situation of being alone”. I remember when I would do nearly anything just to get away, to be alone for a while. Although I very much appreciate some alone time here and there you reach a point where you realize too much of something is well, too much.
Image by *serhatdemiroglu
Sometimes I do ask to be alone, to have that time of solitude to gather up my thoughts, to be unbiased about my choices. Other times when desperation really kicks in I ask for help, and that’s when you know something is seriously not right. Asking for help is becoming rare for me, I learned to deal with things on my own but sometimes a good talk is just what you need, to let it all out. The other person doesn’t even need to say anything, just listen is all I ask for. Last time I asked for help, no one was willing to help. Interesting. Its in times like that when you realize who’s really the friend they say they are, interestingly how you can filter “friends” out so easily.
I admit it, maybe I was way too emotional to even think a tad logically but that’s precisely when you need someone there to kick some sense into you. Maybe it wasn’t so bad to not have the people I had expected to be there for me, after all its about learning not to expect things right? So perhaps its not so bad, because it shows that I can get back up all on my own, it comes to show you that not everyone is who they say they are, and it shows you to not be dependent. Oh the lessons of life, sometimes they come to you in the worst of times.
Smile, you too can do stuff all on your own.
I’m glad to say that I am finally slowly going back to my normal life, my old habits, my old customary doings. I knew more than a year ago that the day my love had to leave to commit to his career would come, so from the beginning I knew what I was getting myself into. Technically I shouldn’t complain but this whole new way of life was really nothing what I was expecting. These last few weeks have been very odd, solitary for the most part, just trying to learn to adapt.
No one said adapting to new things was easy, I know. I thought that while my sweetie would be away life would be rather normal, same ol’, same ol’. I was so wrong! It was difficult the first week trying to deal with no communication at all. It was so difficult learning to not expect “Good morning”s and “Good nights” and all the lovely things in between. Long distance relationships are one thing, add military life and you got yourself a whole different thing. Everyone that has been in my shoes tells me things only get better, and they were right.
Although the first weeks were awful to say the least (especially the first week) you learn to be patient, you learn discipline, you learn to be strong. Slowly one can adapt to new ways of life, it just takes time. The good thing is I’m going back to my old habits, I started to go on walks, longer ones too and that has made me feel sooo good! I’m getting back in the kitchen, back to observing my world, back to all things that I found beautiful. This road is not easy, but you learn so much in the process, and you get a whole new experience of a different life. Honestly a life I never thought I’d get to live but thats just how crazy life can be, surprising you with things you least expect.
Smile, no one said adapting was easy but its definitely achievable.
Sometimes I go outside while the sun begins to set. Its one of my favorite times of the day. Its almost as if nature takes on the role of the Impressionist artists and begins to use the land and sky as a canvass.
I stand there looking at the mountain range, a spectacular view of colors. The perfect blending and lighting in all its glory. That red orange color blending in with the blues in the sky, the in between purples and yellows so carefully in balance. The mountains looking like sleeping giants in the horizon, grandiose in all their enormous existence. Oh how beautiful they look with all their wrinkled and folded bodies, exerting their dominance over the valley.
The sun slowly going down to the West, the colors changing, blending, producing a picturesque show of color and lighting. The rays of the sun softly bouncing off the giants, and colors turning into deeper shades. Slowly the reds, the oranges and the yellows begin to fade away. A slow yet beautiful change, the change of life. The light begins to dim with every passing minute as the Sun hides under the sea. Darkness begins to prevail, the eyes of the night slowly appear in the dark fabric above our heads. They await for the Sun to submerge itself completely before blinking wildly down on us.
What a beautiful change, the change of life. Yet how I long to be a witness of that change not by myself but with someone else. To share those moments when the Earth rotates, just the two of us while the rest of the world concentrates in motion we can pretend to be motionless as we watch the world pass by. So please hurry home my love, because there’s just so much I want to share and witness with you.
Smile, pretend to be motionless.
Many nights and days
Will have to pass us by
Through rains, clouds and sunshine
We’ll have to endure.
Nights apart we’ll be
While the world dances in harmony
Take out and movies
Never seemed more lonely
Songs now turned silent
Sunsets in grayscale
As I pass my days sitting and thinking…
What are you thinking about?
You can ask me till the very last day
My answer will always be, you.
The minutes will turn to hours
And hours to days
Before we know it the years will pass us by
But through much more we’ve survived.
No one told me the other side of love
The part that makes you cry
When your heart smiles and weeps at night.
Nights apart we’ll be
While the world dances in harmony
Take out and movies
Never seemed more lonely
Songs now turned silent
Sunsets in grayscale
As I pass my days sitting and thinking…
What are you thinking about?
You can ask me till the very last day
My answer will always be, you.
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