In my most upfront confession I confess, I have almost no motivation for this years Thanksgiving. I just don’t, not anymore at least. A few days ago, I was planning the menu the minor details to make this year’s Thanksgiving a wonderful feast. It was arranged that we would be having some extra people coming over, and that was great the more the merrier. But I started to think, I can’t do this. I was going to cook the whole dinner on my own, I planned it all to the minute it was going to be perfect.

What happened? I’m not sure actually. I guess I just woke up and it hit me, whats the point? My family couldn’t be more in pieces than a crushed candy cane. My older sister wants to have to do almost nothing with us, and our talks get more limited with every call. My brother doesn’t want to come over much. My older brother has too much on his mind to care about anything that he even signed up to work. My sister, she changes her loyalties whenever she finds it most convenient. My mother wants to have absolutely nothing to do with Thanksgiving, end of story. My father, hasn’t found his place in our family. My sister in law, I guess I can thank her on Thanksgiving for crushing my family with everything she could. My nieces and nephews unaware of the problems around them just want to have school days off, the only beings on this planet that make me smile when times are rough.

As for my sister in law, I know I shouldn’t point fingers but quite frankly I’m tired of it all. I can’t walk around pretending nothing has happened, I can’t smile at her pretending she didn’t split my family up. I just can’t. I tried but whats the use of hypocrisy? For respect of my family my encounters with her are civil, but that doesn’t change how I feel.

Do I have to be the bigger person? Take the high road? Is this dinner even going to be worth it? I wanted my family to feel together, to be together, with every minute I am finding harder and harder to find that a possibility. We can’t get everything we wish for, I know that. I do owe my nieces and nephews a holiday filled with warmth and care, and at this point that is all that keeps me going. They always keep me going no matter what.

So this Thanksgiving you can bet that my thanks will be for them, those kids that make me smile even when skies are gray.

Smile, we all have that one person(s) that makes us smile when our skies are gray.

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