It all started with my first nephew, 11 years ago. Ever since then my life has been mostly involved with my nieces and nephews, just trying to be a good aunt. It recently hit me, I’m the aunt NOT the parent. So how come sometimes I have less time for myself than their parents do? Alright, maybe that was a selfish moment, after all as part of a family you gotta pitch in to help whenever possible. No problem, I can keep doing this for a little longer.

Then my little niece came along, oh what a beautiful little baby she is! She moved me, and came in a time when my world was already being moved, truthfully she was blessing during all the crazy changes in my life. One of those changes was her mother, my sister becoming a bit ill and THAT was not something I expected. Turned out that my nights went off sleepless, my days were filled with 4 kids, add chores, add moments of deep thought that were interrupted by… oh wait feeding time, wait its lunch for the kids, wait laundry is ready, wait the pets need food, wait… wait a second!

Then it hit me, I am really not parent material. I am aunt material that’s for sure. Being a parent is what I consider to be one of the most if not the most difficult tasks out there. I admit it, I recently went through a phase where I could actually picture myself having a family, raising kids, taking them to school and helping them out with their homework (the whole pretty picture). But nothing can really prepare you for the lack of sleep, the doctor appointments, the insane surprises of life (plus I worry too much). Perhaps its because I’ve been around kids for 11 years that I have yet to have a while alone just being kid-free. Don’t get me wrong, kids are amazing but I just never really got to experience a life without having to worry about being a parent.

I don’t doubt it when people say its one of the most beautiful things to happen to any human being, I can definitely see why. However, I think that kids of my own in my future are very unlikely (yeah I know that can change), who knows maybe that’s why the universe made me be a parent these past 11 years without actually being a parent, just to show me what its all like. Will I regret not having kids (hypothetically speaking)? No, I have amazing nieces and nephews that I’ve been lucky enough to see grow, and I hope to continue watching them grow because no matter what they’ll always make me proud to be their aunt, and their friend.

Smile, everyone needs a little break. 

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