Seems like nightmares are slowly creeping back into my life. This last one was by far one of the most disturbing ones I’ve had in a while, I woke up with my heart beating so fast, I woke up wondering. The thing about most of my dreams, especially nightmares is that they always seem so real. This morning I was dreaming that I was murdered, how disturbing is that? I remember in my dream closing my eyes and thinking “This is it…” it was like an epiphany within a dream, I smiled and I waited. I smiled because I felt like my time had come, I felt like I had lived a fulfilled life up to that point, I was happy with what I had done. Then I felt (yeah that’s how realistic my dreams are) the bullet piecing my skin, the warmth of the blood pouring out, I opened my eyes. I could feel the life dripping out of me, I applied pressure to my neck, I wanted to scream for help but I knew, I knew it was too late. All I thought of was to write a message on a piece of paper I saw on my desk, I wrote “tell S. I love him” and I began to cry. I cried not because I knew I was dying but because I knew I wasn’t going to see him again. I could feel my hands grow weaker because I couldn’t apply pressure to my neck anymore, I could see my blood forming a little puddle on the floor while tears kept pouring out of my eyes. My brother rushed in my room, I assume because he heard the shot, I smiled in between tears, it was more of a goodbye because after that I fell in my own blood and everything went dark.
Sounds very dramatic doesn’t it? It felt disturbingly real. I stayed in bed a while later thinking about what had happened. I feel happy with what I’ve done so far with my life. I mean, I have so many goals and dreams but if my nightmare was to come true, yeah I would feel at peace in that aspect. What I couldn’t deal with is knowing I wouldn’t see my love again, or say goodbye to him one last time and I started to cry. I miss him. You know what it felt like? Like I was somehow in my own twisted version of Vanilla Sky (which is why I’m also sharing Sigur Ros) and my nightmare was gone when I opened my eyes.