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What a year this has been, and let me tell you it has surprised me that sometimes I wonder if tomorrow I’ll wake up from this roller coaster of a dream. To start, last year proved to be a most amazing year, challenging but filled with love. I took the risk I once swore to never take, and gave love a chance. Long story short I can tell you today I learned so much, but the most important lesson I learned is that love is not all roses and harmony, it can be the most painful feeling you could possibly feel.
Those that know me know how absorbed I was in my career, and I can’t complain I finished strong and I have my ex to thank for that, he was my motivation throughout the end of my college years. So I suppose you can say that love is not such a bad thing even if it ends up in the bottom of the Grand Canyon. I literally was the happiest woman alive, ask anyone who was around me, I glowed brighter than the sun. My mother took to teach me how to do things, I was determined to be the best lady to this man, the best-est friend, because he deserved it all. Everything.
Things don’t always work according to plan and yeah it stings even after this month, it stings badly. It hurts literally everywhere but somehow I manage to get up every morning and go on with my days. I took a risk, I’m still learning and hurting but I know that I must continue to live life. I’m doing the best that I can to smile like nothing has happened and I can’t lie there are days I wish I had never taken that risk at all but I know that life is about taking risks and what I did, I did with love. There’s no point regretting the past, I gave it my all and it’s what gives me some kind of peace. So here I am with a broken heart doing my best, because one thing I’ve learned is that sometimes life throws you down so you can get a fresh start. A blessing that I still haven’t learned to appreciate.
Smile, take each day at a time.
Last night when I accompanied my sister to take my niece to the hospital I realized that being a parent is so much more than just playing or being funny to make them laugh when they’re crying. Being a parent is a 24/7 thing, especially in the early months and even more when they are sick. I saw my sister carrying my niece (she didn’t want to go with me) for three hours until a doctor saw my niece and it was only because she got purple and stopped breathing. Saying that it was terrifying doesn’t do it justice, my heart literally stopped, everything happened so fast.
It was in the time that I had to stay outside that I met this young lady with her son and daughter. She was waiting to be admitted because her son was very ill and when she saw what happened to my niece she began to cry. Being the small hospital that it was, people just seemed to bond out of a mixture of fear, hope and nostalgia. She told me how she had a son who got like that while she was pregnant with the little one she was holding. He died in her arms, and then it was everyone comforting everyone.
It was a weird feeling but we all seemed to be there for one another. Everyone in that tiny waiting room suddenly started to swap stories as to why they were there or past experiences. You see so much in an emergency room, so much. You get to see just about every human emotion from the happiest to the most heart breaking. It was the parents that really got me thinking about what it really means to be a parent. It seems almost as if being a parent gives you some kind of superhuman strength, and some parents are truly ones to be admired.
In the end my niece was released in the middle of the night, many of the people we met were still there waiting. As soon as we walked out they rushed over like any family member would, and wished my niece and my sister the very best. With their blessings and heartfelt stories we went on our way home, and blessed we were with my niece’s recovery. Something that has always bewildered me is how much support and familiarity you can find in a stranger, this one is for all those wonderful people we met for they are a real testament of hope.
Smile, there may be someone who might just need to see one to believe again.
My parent’s marriage was never a rose colored one, or one of those where the couple has been married for so long you wonder what a great life they’ve had together. Wrong. My parent’s started off great, my dad even got his teeth knocked out in pursuit of my mom (had to get replacements). My mom destroyed the greatest car my dad ever had, rejected him a million times before she even said “yes” to a date and yet they got married.
What seemed to be a perfect story didn’t turn out so well a few years into their marriage, my dad had affairs and eventually they separated a few months after I was born. They tried to work things out when I was a few years old but that turned out more sour than the last and they called it quits soon after. Now after years of dad being away they’re back together but finally it seems they’ve figured out that despite everything they ended up together because no one seems to comprehend the other like they do.
I’ve been observing them for the last two years that my dad has returned, they started off quite rocky but it wasn’t until one of them decided to change that the other decided they too had to change to make this work. We all knew that those two loved each other, they were just too stubborn to change and admit their faults. Now, when I look at them I see that love that I hadn’t seen before. I see the way dad holds my mom’s hand and smiles as she eats her breakfast. Or the way mom makes dinner in such a loving and careful way to make it perfect because dad deserves a great meal after a long day at work. I love the way they hold hands in the car or when we go out to eat. I love the way that they hold on to each other when they fall asleep or how my mom looks like a schoolgirl whenever dad steals a kiss from her unexpectedly.
I’ve never seen my parents this way, and it took them years to realize how to make a marriage work. They’re getting older and older now, but to see that love is still there after all these years makes me very happy. I get so happy because it gives me hope that love doesn’t die, it doesn’t age, it just needs nurturing to stay strong. Its the kind of happiness that brings me hope that I can grow old with the person I love. To be able to hold their hand in my wrinkly hand, and still have that twinkle of love in my aged eyes the way I did when we first fell in love.
Smile, sometimes all you need is a new chance to turn it all around.
I don’t believe that we are destined for something, that our lives have been planned out way before we were even created. I like to believe that we all have free will, but every now and then something happens that makes me question my beliefs or lack there of on fate. Is it possible that we were destined to be with someone? Took me nearly a decade to go on a date with my childhood friend. After all those years being friends I’m still learning so much about this incredible man. Born hundreds of miles apart, we found each other.
I still remember a few years back he asked me for a kiss, but I said no because in my rule book kissing a friend was a no-no. Looking back I can’t believe I didn’t appreciate the gesture of him asking me for a kiss, that was a very gentleman-like thing to do. While I still feel bad for turning him down those few years ago, I feel like it was meant to happen. Weird, yes. Back then my heart was elsewhere, my head was in a state of confusion and I was aching over ghosts of the past. I had to practically go through my own hell to learn to value and appreciate the important things in life again.
Sometimes I feel like those years in between prepared me for a lot of things. I don’t know if it was destiny that crossed our paths so many times at very important points in our lives. I still remember him asking me to hang out and for a kiss, but my stubbornness and rules got in the way despite of how I felt. It wasn’t until I realized that in life we must take risks and then it reminded me of that quote from ‘When Harry Met Sally’, “…because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” Destiny or not, I am a very lucky woman who loves and is loved by a truly wonderful man.
Smile, because life is filled with beautiful surprises.