You are currently browsing the monthly archive for July 2009.

   I can’t seem to write anything else but this:


 How long has it been?
 I can’t remember.
 I’m beginning to forget.
 Forgetting is best, its part of the past.

What use is it to dwindle
On the twinkle of the fire
That blazed through nights,
Through wind and rain.

It lit the room,
a hope outside the windowpane
The house, the fire burned to ashes.
The wind scattered them across the land.

I can hear the remnants in the distance,
Howling through the dark corners of my mind
Fainter with time.
I’m beginning to forget about the ashes the wind blew away.

– Casper




     There are times when I feel like an old lady, when those younger than me just don’t seem to understand the situations around them. Sometimes I feel like a little kid who just wants to play again on the swings and  run like a nut on the jungle gym pretending to be a pirate. There are times when I just don’t feel like neither. I’m sure some that may read this may understand because I think that we all go through phases like that.

     Yesterday I felt like I was a little bit of both. I woke up to have my little sister touching my face, “eyes” she would say and try to poke my eyes. I pretended to be asleep. “Nose” she would push my nose like if it was a button, I’m guessing I looked funny because she would giggle. She stopped pushing my nose and I heard her little feet walking around in my room. “One, two, four, five…” I opened one eye to see what she was counting, she was counting my pictures, she sounded so cute she always skips three. I saw that she was trying to say the names of the people from the pictures, she knew most of them. I slept late and I really wanted to sleep in but I knew I had to get up, “ROAR!!!”, she screamed and ran out the door laughing. I heard her call my little brother and my other little sister, and sure enough they wanted to join in.

     I spent most of the day chasing them around the house, playing hide and seek, tag. I even took my brother’s sock and put it inside his pillowcase which he soon repaid me for. We played hot potato, made pictures on the driveway with chalk. I made my best attempt to draw them but was only able to draw stick figures with happy faces. They drew beautiful space ships and the whole solar system, they’re talented little ones.

   It was hot outside so we moved on to play XBOX, we played tag some more, we played so many games. I was surprised that I was able to keep up with them the whole day. When night came they asked for pancakes, so I thought I should might as well finish the day with something nice. I said I’d do them and they were ready to help out, they set up the table while I made them their pancakes. My little sister said, “Look, they’re hearts!” and as soon as they saw them they all wanted one. I was expecting them to leave some extra ones but they ate them all. They all commented on them, and they loved them.

     When it was time to sleep, they each came to say good night, gave me a hug, said thank you and said I was the best big sister they could ever have. My little one said “I… looove… yoooou!” jumped on me to give me a hug and ran off to her room. I’m the thankful one for having little monsters around to drive me insane everyday and at the same time to keep my sanity in check. They inspire me to try harder and to do better even when it comes to drawing stick figures. For this week, putting my laptop and books down and spending time with my little sibs was the best decision I’ve made. When was the last time you put down what you normally do for the people you love?

Smile for that inner kid we all have inside. =)

– Casper

     This morning I woke up at what seems to be the norm of the summer of about 8:00 A.M. (Late compared to my school days), I made myself a cup of coffee, opened the doors and windows for the bright and beautiful day and turned the radio on for some relaxing music. Every station seemed to be on commercials, another reminder of why I don’t listen to the radio much. Then I got to what seemed a small discussion about women and our interest in money.

     I have to say that it was somewhat disturbing to listen to what people were saying. I agreed with some of the guys, but not with all. The main focus was that we as women are only interested in the money, we only date guys who have money, and who have the looks. When any of those is gone, we leave and move on to a better, richer, stronger “victim”. Please, I wonder if some of these guys have looked at what THEY’VE been doing? Probably not, not all of them at least.

   Are we really only interested in money? Not exactly. I have friends who stayed with their boyfriends even when they were jobless, supporting them through every and any decision they made. Now its women like them that are worth so much that men who let them go at the first sign of one flaw leave without seeing all of their virtues. Of course there are those are in it only for the money, those women I’ve met, those women are also my friends but they too have many qualities as well. They may be in it for the money, but guys this is also your fault for giving all your money to them, simple as that.  Bottom line, EVERYBODY is interested in money, men and women of all ages. The issue comes when some are more interested in the money itself than what their partner has to say. The next issue comes when the partner gives the other all the money they want just to have them close, do you and the world a favor and stop. Not only are you giving in to their ways, making them feel like its no problem to get money out of you, but you’re just taking yourself down. There are better people out there for you, trust me.

   Are we really just interested in guys with great looks?  Aren’t we all? Come on girls we love those movie hunks that make us drool, those guys that even sweaty we would hug just to feel their muscles *day dreams of Daniel Craig* . Guys are more open about this it seems, they do admit that they look at attractive women even when they are in a relationship, truthfully there is nothing wrong with looking. Hey we (girls) look too. The thing is that when love hits us, it hits us and we really don’t care that you look like hunky dunky Daniel Craig or like normal Joe, if we love you, we love you because of you and all your attributes and flaws. We as women are difficult to understand sometimes, yes but when we’re truly and genuinely interested you can tell.

     Maybe I see things differently because I’m close to my older brother, he’s not only a brother to me but he’s one of my best friends. I remember when I was in high school one day we were talking about dating and he told me that a girl in college flat out rejected him because he had no car at the time. But I laugh at the girl now, she missed out on a great man. I don’t say this because he’s my brother but because he really is a great man. So I wonder how many times has this happened to other guys? My guess is a billion gazillion times and more! I’m glad my family taught me better, so ladies (and gentlemen) don’t judge others by what they can offer you right there and then.

    I often hear the “Guys are jerks” phrase from my friends, and I always remind them that we’re equally jerky to them as well. Just because one guy or one girl makes us feel like we live or should live in the deepest parts of the ocean doesn’t mean all guys or girls are the same. There are many wonderful people who are beautiful inside and out and are single! The problem is that we don’t go out there and get them (I too am guilty of that *sigh*).
    One gender often tends to signal the other one out in its flaws. The truth is we are all guilty of all charges to some extent, and yes some are more guilty than others. I think than many would agree with me that we all want to find some type of balance in our life. Someone who putting looks and money aside can be there for us when we need them, someone who we can share great memories with, someone we can love and love us back, someone we can trust, someone who is loyal. There are more important things in a relationship than money and looks.

Smile because there are still lovely people on this earth.


     Summer is officially here, at least it is here in So Cal where the weather is warm the sun is bright, another beautiful sunny day. To be honest I’m not very fond of the warm weather, I’m more of a cold, cloudy, type of person. These last few summers have been different in many ways. I decided to write about something happy, about very fond memories that come to me with the beginning of the season.

     I’m not sure how it was with everyone else growing up but I remember saving up my quarters for summer. When the weather was too hot or too sunny to play outside I’d play indoors. Sometimes I would sit on the couch by the window looking outside, waiting for time to pass by when it would get cooler outside. Sometimes I just waited for the ice cream man to pass by. This was a few years ago when we lived in some apartments. I remember when I would hear THE bell I would run to my mom to ask her if I could buy a popsicle, if she’d say yes I’d run to my pink box to get my quarter. I remember getting those Big Pops for twenty-five cents, those were the good days. I smile because it wasn’t THAT long ago, but then again it has been a few years, maybe ten, eleven years ago? Buying my popsicle gave me a feeling of independence, it was a quarter but to me it was the best thing ever. My mother would let me eat my popsicle outside the complex, there where some stairs with a tree near by to provide shade, I’d watch the cars pass by, or wait to hear the sound of the Metrolink, it was relaxing.
    I miss those good old days, so many things have changed since then. For one Big Pops are no longer a quarter =p the price went up to fifty cents, seventy-five cents, one dollar, even a dollar twenty-five now. Doesn’t matter, its still a Big Pop and it still brings me memories of my summers a while back.

     During the summer when we would go grocery shopping, mother would let me choose one type of ice cream. There were so many flavors, it was ice cream pint or a box of popsicles. I always wanted to try them all but I had a favorite: Scribblers. Those were and are the best. Small, colorful, magical, great tasting and fun to eat. My cousin and I would pretend to write in the air with them and we’d say how colorful or words were. Those were happy times, happy times with my Scribblers.

   So its summer time now, things sure are no longer the same. My little siblings think differently about summer than how I think. They  don’t think about the quarter Big Pops, or sitting in the shade. There is one thing that we do think the same about and that is about Scribblers. They scribble us happy all summer long.


Smile for those happy summer memories of the past, and for the ones that are to come.

– Casper.

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