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  My parent’s marriage was never a rose colored one, or one of those where the couple has been married for so long you wonder what a great life they’ve had together. Wrong. My parent’s started off great, my dad even got his teeth knocked out in pursuit of my mom (had to get replacements). My mom destroyed the greatest car my dad ever had, rejected him a million times before she even said “yes” to a date and yet they got married.

What seemed to be a perfect story didn’t turn out so well a few years into their marriage, my dad had affairs and eventually they separated a few months after I was born. They tried to work things out when I was a few years old but that turned out more sour than the last and they called it quits soon after. Now after years of dad being away they’re back together but finally it seems they’ve figured out that despite everything they ended up together because no one seems to comprehend the other like they do.

I’ve been observing them for the last two years that my dad has returned, they started off quite rocky but it wasn’t until one of them decided to change that the other decided they too had to change to make this work. We all knew that those two loved each other, they were just too stubborn to change and admit their faults. Now, when I look at them I see that love that I hadn’t seen before. I see the way dad holds my mom’s hand and smiles as she eats her breakfast. Or the way mom makes dinner in such a loving and careful way to make it perfect because dad deserves a great meal after a long day at work. I love the way they hold hands in the car or when we go out to eat. I love the way that they hold on to each other when they fall asleep or how my mom looks like a schoolgirl whenever dad steals a kiss from her unexpectedly.

I’ve never seen my parents this way, and it took them years to realize how to make a marriage work. They’re getting older and older now, but to see that love is still there after all these years makes me very happy. I get so happy because it gives me hope that love doesn’t die, it doesn’t age, it just needs nurturing to stay strong. Its the kind of happiness that brings me hope that I can grow old with the person I love. To be able to hold their hand in my wrinkly hand, and still have that twinkle of love in my aged eyes the way I did when we first fell in love.

Smile, sometimes all you need is a new chance to turn it all around.

      Today I had one of those days where you just sit down and think of how your life is suddenly starting to flash before your eyes. I came to realize that not everything I had once planned is really what I’ll eventually be doing. Having that realization was more eye opening and mind blowing that it ever had been. It all started after I had a talk with my brother about the plans I had for my life.

My brother is not the kind to intervene in my life, but he is very protective, and I know he wants the best for me. I had a mindset that my life was pretty much well planned for the most part but when my brother asked me today I realized that a lot had changed. Truth is that life can change in any given moment, and I mean it can really change upside down and side to side and before you know it not even the best of plans can come out according to plan. I realized that I don’t have a lot of time to make some major life decisions, some which I will never get again and no matter how I look at it most of the decisions I have to make are nothing I had expected. Life changes quickly.

I know that I can’t have everything I want in life and so I must set my priorities straight. I promised myself before graduating high school to never do something that didn’t make me happy. I realized that a lot of the things I always wanted to have or achieve were things that didn’t make me happy, they were things I wanted merely to show that I could actually achieve. Keyword being “show”. Its not what I need, not what I truly and honestly wanted. Funny how one’s priorities change as one grows older.

I asked myself what made me happy and the answer was pretty clear from the beginning. I know what makes me happy, I know what I want, and I’m willing to fight for it till the very end. It might not be what I had always planned on wanting, but its OK to have changes. I understand that this road will be very bumpy and full of obstacles but that’s not something that’s going to stop me. If there’s anything I’ve ever been sure of is this, I’m risking it all for my true happiness.

Smile, your life can change before you even know it. 

Think about it, we react in certain ways to situations based on what we’ve experienced. It’s not something we can always control but it happens weather we like it or not. Take for instance someone who as a child saw her parents argue, someone who didn’t really have a fatherly figure around. Those experiences if left un-helped will arise later in adulthood. That child may grow up with trust issues, will remain oppressed etc. it happens all the time, we are the product of our environment. That was just an example (my example) of the many other countless examples that we all live through day after day.

Recognizing that events do make an impact on us is just the first step. We don’t have to let those negative situations take a hold of our lives. We have been blessed with the ability to make choices, something that many of us overlook and/or take for granted. Albeit not easy, it is do-able. Think back, think of how you are a product of your environment. Is it stopping you from taking risks in life? Is it stopping you from what you know will make you happy?

Smile, don’t forget that you have a choice to turn things around for the better.

      Have you ever spent countless hours thinking of what your next step will be? What choice you’re going to make? In what direction you’re going to head?  I know I’ve done this many times for many hours, days, weeks… Thinking doesn’t get you very far, it’s the action of doing that gets you places but thinking, thinking is like making a map in pencil. You follow some paths, add and erase as you make your way in life.            

      Sometimes we look for inspiration, inspiration to a new song, a new post, a new life. Other times we look for someone known or stranger. Its hard to go through life not looking for something, we’re always looking for something or someone. There are times that we don’t even know what it is that we’re looking for but we go on taking a path here and another there just hoping to come across something great.

      What am I looking for? I’m not exactly sure but I have an idea. I miss old things and I feel like I miss things I never had (is that possible? Yes.). Its all strange, surreal but its mostly all there. Some is hidden and some is in plain view (yet we cant seem to see it anyway).  What is this great search that we go through time after time?

Happiness.

Can it be? Think about it.                    

Smile, happiness can be right in front of you.

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