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What a year this has been, and let me tell you it has surprised me that sometimes I wonder if tomorrow I’ll wake up from this roller coaster of a dream. To start, last year proved to be a most amazing year, challenging but filled with love. I took the risk I once swore to never take, and gave love a chance. Long story short I can tell you today I learned so much, but the most important lesson I learned is that love is not all roses and harmony, it can be the most painful feeling you could possibly feel.
Those that know me know how absorbed I was in my career, and I can’t complain I finished strong and I have my ex to thank for that, he was my motivation throughout the end of my college years. So I suppose you can say that love is not such a bad thing even if it ends up in the bottom of the Grand Canyon. I literally was the happiest woman alive, ask anyone who was around me, I glowed brighter than the sun. My mother took to teach me how to do things, I was determined to be the best lady to this man, the best-est friend, because he deserved it all. Everything.
Things don’t always work according to plan and yeah it stings even after this month, it stings badly. It hurts literally everywhere but somehow I manage to get up every morning and go on with my days. I took a risk, I’m still learning and hurting but I know that I must continue to live life. I’m doing the best that I can to smile like nothing has happened and I can’t lie there are days I wish I had never taken that risk at all but I know that life is about taking risks and what I did, I did with love. There’s no point regretting the past, I gave it my all and it’s what gives me some kind of peace. So here I am with a broken heart doing my best, because one thing I’ve learned is that sometimes life throws you down so you can get a fresh start. A blessing that I still haven’t learned to appreciate.
Smile, take each day at a time.
Five years ago my thoughts were so much different from today. No surprise there since a lot has changed but when I look at old pictures of myself I smile because if I could go back in time to tell myself something, well I wouldn’t. Most of my life I have been school oriented. When I started college my goal was to prove people wrong, yeah not the best goal to have. My motivations were all in the wrong place, and I had a lot of growth ahead of me. I’ve yet so much to learn, so much room for improvement and I already know to expect many changes ahead. Ah, life sure can turn one’s life around.
Graduation is six weeks away, so basically just around the corner. It hadn’t hit me until I went to get my cap and gown and I laid it down on my bed. Sleepless nights, many times crying over physics and calculus problems, many sweet eureka moments that literally made me skip my way to class. It was in college that I found my addiction to coffee, a drink I swore to dislike, just one of the many things I gave a try that I said I never would. After all that and more there I was standing before what I had worked so hard these last couple of years.
What’s next? A big question mark. Graduate school, the beginning of my own family, a far away adventure, a little of all? If you had asked me five years ago what my plans would be today I would’ve said without a doubt, Grad school. Now, I feel like my career has gone one level down on my priority list. For the first time I’m actually excited about wanting to start a family, quite the opposite thought that I had five years ago. I used to shiver at the thought of having kids of my own, my career was the only kid I ever wanted. Me have kids? You’re crazy!
Changes, changes all over the place. I don’t know where I’ll be next year, let along a few months but I can tell you that I’ve enjoyed the journey this far. I have a lot of growth ahead of me, more obstacles to overcome, and more changes coming up. Am I excited? I am!
Smile, take some time to look at your own journey in life.
It all started with going to drop off the letters to my sweetie at the mail drop off box. It then started to hit me, that I should start doing it more often. See, I love going on walks, a lot. I enjoy that peaceful time, the scenery the whole thing I just love it. I had stopped for a couple of weeks because of a lot of things that were going on then I decided to come back, and come back the right way. I didn’t want to mention much at the beginning because I wanted to make sure it was something I was going to stick to. This year has been not only a life changing year for me but a year where I decided to have more self discipline.
I must note that all of this has been in large part been because of inspiration from my sweetie (yeah he’s an inspiring man!). Knowing that he is doing something big and heroic really inspired me to at least try doing something for myself. My walks have gotten longer, I’m slowly incorporating jogging, my workouts have gotten more regular and more well established. I’m even thinking in taking part of a local 5k event (I even know what I want my little badge to say, a dedication to my sweetie) and that is what I am currently aiming for. I asked some members of my family to join me, but lets face it I can’t wait around for others if I must do something I must go out and do it on my own, although everyone else is welcomed to join in. I realized that having self motivation is a big part in making things happen and that’s what I’ll be sticking to. I gotta make things happen.
Smile, make things happen in your life.
Today I had one of those days where you just sit down and think of how your life is suddenly starting to flash before your eyes. I came to realize that not everything I had once planned is really what I’ll eventually be doing. Having that realization was more eye opening and mind blowing that it ever had been. It all started after I had a talk with my brother about the plans I had for my life.
My brother is not the kind to intervene in my life, but he is very protective, and I know he wants the best for me. I had a mindset that my life was pretty much well planned for the most part but when my brother asked me today I realized that a lot had changed. Truth is that life can change in any given moment, and I mean it can really change upside down and side to side and before you know it not even the best of plans can come out according to plan. I realized that I don’t have a lot of time to make some major life decisions, some which I will never get again and no matter how I look at it most of the decisions I have to make are nothing I had expected. Life changes quickly.
I know that I can’t have everything I want in life and so I must set my priorities straight. I promised myself before graduating high school to never do something that didn’t make me happy. I realized that a lot of the things I always wanted to have or achieve were things that didn’t make me happy, they were things I wanted merely to show that I could actually achieve. Keyword being “show”. Its not what I need, not what I truly and honestly wanted. Funny how one’s priorities change as one grows older.
I asked myself what made me happy and the answer was pretty clear from the beginning. I know what makes me happy, I know what I want, and I’m willing to fight for it till the very end. It might not be what I had always planned on wanting, but its OK to have changes. I understand that this road will be very bumpy and full of obstacles but that’s not something that’s going to stop me. If there’s anything I’ve ever been sure of is this, I’m risking it all for my true happiness.
Smile, your life can change before you even know it.