To You Modern Cupids

I gotta say it’s very difficult when you hear every day (seriously, everyday) “you have to move on.” Do people really think I don’t know that? Here’s the thing though, unless you have walked everyday in my shoes don’t judge me, don’t tell me what I HAVE to do when YOU think I HAVE to do it. I know I have to move on, but can’t I just be left alone for a while? Why is it that society is so pushy on dating and having people be in relationships? I’ve been set up more times in this past month than I have my whole life. It’s depressing.

Its more depressing when my career is the great catch, “she majored in…” so here’s what I have to ask, since when has dating involved a resume of your career? To me it seems that lately all I hear is that my career can get me great dates and those dates are interested because well this career has potential for “green”. It disgusts me, annoys me, angers me. Ah, if only you knew how great it feels to even write this? I’m letting out my frustrations here just to not punch people in the face whenever I get the, “you have to move on.” followed by a “I know someone who loves nerdy chicks.” Thanks, but no thanks.

Thanks for keeping the love of science alive, but please leave me alone. Please, Universe make people stop thinking they are Cupid unless they are doing that for Halloween in which case they should still leave me alone. Why do people think I need to be with someone to be happy? Quite the contrary, I’m happier alone than in bad or unwanted company and that’s the fact. Let me be, let me thrive and let me live. Alone. I need solitude more than anything at the moment, I want peace, I want quiet, and yet I can’t seem to get it. I even tried hiding in church (yes, that’s how bad its gotten) and even there I couldn’t find silence. Please don’t try to be Cupid, some of us just need to be alone to figure things out. We’ll be fine, life goes on, and we move on, just at our own pace.

Smile, let it be!

Risk, Learn, Live

What a year this has been, and let me tell you it has surprised me that sometimes I wonder if tomorrow I’ll wake up from this roller coaster of a dream. To start, last year proved to be a most amazing year, challenging but filled with love. I took the risk I once swore to never take, and gave love a chance. Long story short I can tell you today I learned so much, but the most important lesson I learned is that love is not all roses and harmony, it can be the most painful feeling you could possibly feel.

Those that know me know how absorbed I was in my career, and I can’t complain I finished strong and I have my ex to thank for that, he was my motivation throughout the end of my college years. So I suppose you can say that love is not such a bad thing even if it ends up in the bottom of the Grand Canyon. I literally was the happiest woman alive, ask anyone who was around me, I glowed brighter than the sun. My mother took to teach me how to do things, I was determined to be the best lady to this man, the best-est friend, because he deserved it all. Everything.

Things don’t always work according to plan and yeah it stings even after this month, it stings badly. It hurts literally everywhere but somehow I manage to get up every morning and go on with my days. I took a risk, I’m still learning and hurting but I know that I must continue to live life. I’m doing the best that I can to smile like nothing has happened and I can’t lie there are days I wish I had never taken that risk at all but I know that life is about taking risks and what I did, I did with love.  There’s no point regretting the past, I gave it my all and it’s what gives me some kind of peace. So here I am with a broken heart doing my best, because one thing I’ve learned is that sometimes life throws you down so you can get a fresh start. A blessing that I still haven’t learned to appreciate.

Smile, take each day at a time.

Alone

I’m one of those people that loves to spend time alone as much as I love to spend time with the people that I love. For me, spending some alone time is necessary to be who I am. I love my friends and family (those most dearly close to me) and they know it too. I need to be alone sometimes, I just do. I can’t explain it, I just need to spend some hours on my own. I want to have some degree of freedom to know that I can do just about whatever I want to do. To know that if I want I can wake up and go to a movie and have lunch or go shopping all on my own. I like to do things on my own, that’s just who I am.

Some of my friends and family take it the wrong way that I don’t like them or whatnot and that’s not the case. When I spend time with them I like to make them feel what they are to me, special. But I firmly believe that everyone should have the opportunity to have some alone time. To me alone time is important because it is time for me to see new things, think of new things. Often times when I am alone I feel like my thoughts are clearer without anyone to influence my actions. When I’m alone I know exactly the kind of person that I am, because there is no pressure, nothing. When I’m alone I can focus on my environment completely and many times I have found this to be extraordinary for I have found things about myself that I never new existed. I learned by observing other people, observing their interactions with others and by taking the role of a lonely observer into this world that we all live in. It’s quite amazing I must say, looking in instead of looking around confused and unfocused.

Smile, look at the beautiful world around you.