A New Chance To Love

  My parent’s marriage was never a rose colored one, or one of those where the couple has been married for so long you wonder what a great life they’ve had together. Wrong. My parent’s started off great, my dad even got his teeth knocked out in pursuit of my mom (had to get replacements). My mom destroyed the greatest car my dad ever had, rejected him a million times before she even said “yes” to a date and yet they got married.

What seemed to be a perfect story didn’t turn out so well a few years into their marriage, my dad had affairs and eventually they separated a few months after I was born. They tried to work things out when I was a few years old but that turned out more sour than the last and they called it quits soon after. Now after years of dad being away they’re back together but finally it seems they’ve figured out that despite everything they ended up together because no one seems to comprehend the other like they do.

I’ve been observing them for the last two years that my dad has returned, they started off quite rocky but it wasn’t until one of them decided to change that the other decided they too had to change to make this work. We all knew that those two loved each other, they were just too stubborn to change and admit their faults. Now, when I look at them I see that love that I hadn’t seen before. I see the way dad holds my mom’s hand and smiles as she eats her breakfast. Or the way mom makes dinner in such a loving and careful way to make it perfect because dad deserves a great meal after a long day at work. I love the way they hold hands in the car or when we go out to eat. I love the way that they hold on to each other when they fall asleep or how my mom looks like a schoolgirl whenever dad steals a kiss from her unexpectedly.

I’ve never seen my parents this way, and it took them years to realize how to make a marriage work. They’re getting older and older now, but to see that love is still there after all these years makes me very happy. I get so happy because it gives me hope that love doesn’t die, it doesn’t age, it just needs nurturing to stay strong. Its the kind of happiness that brings me hope that I can grow old with the person I love. To be able to hold their hand in my wrinkly hand, and still have that twinkle of love in my aged eyes the way I did when we first fell in love.

Smile, sometimes all you need is a new chance to turn it all around.

Changes Are Coming

I was recently talking to my mom of how I was when I was little. Ever since I can remember I’ve had the same stubborn personality I still have today. Always wanting to do things my way, on my own. I learned to walk by the time I was 8 months, and started speaking within a month later. By the time I was a year old I was talking like a parrot and already running the house my way. My siblings couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to me first because I HAD to wish them a safe trip to school, I liked to walk by myself without holding hands with anyone. A few months later I knew my alphabet, and my numbers to 100, I would cut straight lines, I was pretty much ready for Kinder status. All thanks to my wonderful siblings who spent hours and hours teaching what I needed to know. By the time I started school I was more than eager to learn new things, I was excited and ready to learn and the same is still true today.

What really got to me was what my mom told me an old lady told her once, that her little girl was going to go far in life, I had the spirit of a natural leader. Mom went on to tell me to do whatever I had to do to find happiness, even if that meant going far from home. That’s been on my mind lately, and quite honestly I’m ready to leave wherever I am wanted even if that means the other side of the world. Although its been an idea I’ve kept with very, very few people somehow its starting to get around in the family, my older sister came to tell me to stay. Not like I’ll be missed right? Something in the way she told me to stay made me very sad, it was painful.

Image by *thefantasim

Its been an internal conflict of mine, to stay or to go in search of my very own adventure. I’m very torn between these two choices. For one, if I stay I’ll be home with the people I love, I’ll see my nieces and nephews grow, I’ll be ready whenever my love comes back home, communication with him will be easier. However if I stay, I won’t get much done. If I leave I’ll have the opportunity to actually go somewhere, be someone, isn’t that why I spent sleepless nights? To have a solid career? Haven’t I always wanted to have my very own BIG adventure?

I can’t have both, and I know that if I leave chances are I’ll come back to a very different home, a different everything. If I leave I’ll be completely on my own, no place to run to, no one to run and hug, no one to wish goodnight or good morning, and chances are if something happens at home I won’t even be able to come back right away. I’m trying to find signs, anything really that tells me to stay or leave. I ‘m running out of time to decide, and I purposely keep pushing it back everyday because this is a decision that will change my life in a zillion different ways.

Smile, either way changes are coming.

Learning From A Dog

     Our dog may not be trained, but he is a great dog an amazing dog. I remember one time during the first times my sweetie and I would go for walks and he walked me home and was about to give me a hug when our dog started barking a bit, and was not happy that my sweetie got too close to me. It was the first time that I ever saw Duke being so protective over me. He always has been but it wasn’t until then that I really began to see it. Of course he got over being very protective of my sweetie getting close to me since he started to see him more but his protectiveness and loyalty is still there.

Whenever I go outside to the back yard he follows me, waits for me. When I go out at night to look up at the stars he sits by me, waits for me and walks me back to my door. Often times he sleeps outside my window, and always patrols the house. That ladies and gentlemen is real loyalty.

Isn’t it amazing? Duke is an amazing dog, he’s not just a pet, he has become a part of the family. What amazes me is his unconditional loyalty to us. I’ll be honest, we don’t play with him everyday and yet he’s still there for us. Sometimes I wonder why can’t we be the same? Why can’t we be so unconditional about our love and loyalty to our own kind? Why must we be so needy of reciprocation, is it because our egos get in the way? Something else?

There have been times when the only one that is ever there to listen to my rants about life is Duke. He just sits there and more than likely doesn’t understand a word that I say, but he’s there. When I cry he knows I’m crying and always wants to lick my face and sometimes cries with me. When I’m happy he gets so hyper and wags his tail. So I get to think, how can we call the human race this amazing and superior race? We kill each other, we bring each other down, we care about the less important things in life and here is a dog, a species that we see below our own acting in a more humane way. Its moments like these that I realize that us as humans we really are not as great as we wish to be, we are just another species in this earth. We really are nothing if we look at the bigger picture of the universe, just a tiny little spec in this vast place of mystery. I don’t know about you but I find it to be beautiful to be a tiny spec in our Universe. We each hold many ideas, many feelings, we have all done many things, and yet we are specs of life I mean how much more amazing can that be?

Smile, sometimes the most loyal of all friends is that furry little critter with four legs and a wagging tail .

The Best Story Telling Time

    One of my fondest memories when I was little kid was asking mom to tell me stories of her childhood. I remember I used to bug her so much just for a story, I wanted to know everything about her, I wanted to know how she was when she was my age. Sometimes she would make me a cup of warm milk with a tad bit of coffee (I wanted to be all grown up and drink coffee) and we would sit by the dining table and had our little story time. I was always so amazed at her stories (my mom was an adventurer herself) and I always made mini movies of it in my head, I loved it.

Compared to my mom I’m quite the angel, my mom grew up in a little ranch in Mexico in a house that was part of my grandma’s dowry, that house was to be witness of many, many things over the years. My mom was the most daring of all her siblings, she would climb trees for fruits, she would take off whenever my grandpa punished her and she would go to the coast where my great grandparents lived, all on her own.

My mom has always had that strong spirit, she’s always doing something ever since she was a kid. Whenever we go visit my aunt, I ask my aunt for stories too and anyone else who knew my mom tells me the same: “Your mother is a woman of strong will, stubborn, and amazing”. I joke around with her that I wasn’t nearly as crazy as she was, she says times are different. Imagine if I had done all the crazy things like take off on my own at a young age to go with my great grandparents? She probably would’ve disowned me!

I remember my mom telling me stories of her when she lived in the coast with my great grandparents for the summers. Her stories of swimming in the ocean with her cousins, or catching mussels with her toes. Mom in some ways has changed, shes a bit more reserved, less adventurous now. I don’t know if its because that’s what growing up does to people. What hasn’t changed is my love for those stories, even if I have heard them before. I may not be a little kid anymore, I may still not drink my warm cup of milk with my tad bit of coffee (since I drink coffee now hehehe) but siting around with her to listen to stories is something I will always love. Seriously, there’s no better story telling than when its about your origins, your ancestry, the people you love.

Smile, because there are some things you will always love.